I feel like these last posts have all been a bit depressing...and morbid. So I have tried to set myself the mission of being upbeat and proving that I am NOT a melodramatic, depressive and hopelessly lost individual.
I am struggling however, as I fear that maybe it has come to the point where I will have to admit that I am infact hopelessly lost at least. And maybe just a little melodramatic. Well, at least I believe myself to be a little dramatic. I mean my life has been good. I have 2 loving parents who have, despite their differences remained solid. I have a brother and a sister who I love, and love me, and its safe to say would do anything for me. I am the baby of the family after all.
I have had a happy life, I have no excuse there.
But, it doesnt matter how much I tell myself 'Im happy' and pinch myself when I feel my mind getting all cold and empty 'you are happy!'
There is something missing, because I dont feel what I should feel. I actually am happy, I know I am. I just dont understand why I cant always feel, what I know I am.
So my prayer for this day and the next is that my mind would allow me to feel the happiness I know it so desperately wants to believe in.
As for being dramatic, well. I think I can allow myself that little luxury for now. Nobody gets noticed unless they make a drama, right?
And i suppose more than anything I want to be noticed, because unless someone notices that Im lost. How will I ever find myself again? And my greatest fear is that I may never get found.
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